Tyler Martindale

A Selection Of Published Clickhole Headlines:

(NOTE: I wrote the headlines featured here but the article bodies were each written by one of Clickhole’s fantastic staff writers)

A Peek Behind The Veil: McDonald’s Is Adding A Third Drive-Thru Window That Looks Into Grimace’s Bedroom So Customers Can Admire His Surprisingly Humble Lifestyle While Slowly Driving Past

It’s A Start: Geneticists Working On Bringing Back Mammoths Just Announced They’ve Developed An Elephant With Eyebrows And An Insane Bush

Nature Is Amazing: This Species Of Salamander Has Evolved A Sell-By Date From 1992 So Predators Think It’s Expired

Coming Clean: Nickelodeon Has Finally Claimed Responsibility For The Infamous 1961 Attempted Sliming Of Cuba

All 3 Enchanted Lands I’ve Visited By Squeezing Myself Through One Of The Holes My Stepson Punched In The Wall, Ranked

There Should Be A Hobbit That Is The President (By Barack Obama)

Safety First: Kohler Just Introduced A New Toilet That Requires The User To Pass A Breathalyzer Test

Awesome: This Instruction Booklet For How To Put Together An End Table Has A Couple Extra Steps At The End Explaining How To Give Yourself A Hands-Free Orgasm To Celebrate A Job Well Done

Hard To Watch: This Rural Town Is Getting Less And Less Positive Publicity With Each Dog They Elect To Citywide Office

‘Bettering Yourself Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of’: Disney Just Announced They’re Going To Stop Editing Out Chewbacca’s Hundreds Of Nicotine Patches

Two Americas: A New Study Has Found That Goodwills In Richer Neighborhoods Have An Average Of Twice As Many Versions Of ‘Scene-It’

They’re Gonna Collide These Two Oafs Together, Aren’t They? These Two Uncles Just Excitedly Posted On Facebook That They Got A New Job At CERN Even Though Neither Of Them Are Scientists Or Anything

Finally, A Vegan Option: Best Buy Is Now Selling A Carrot

Finally! Mattel And The Gerald Ford Presidential Library Are Teaming Up To Release A Limited Edition Barbie Whose Job Is Feeding Gerald Ford Grapes In Heaven

Intriguing: These Autographed Headshots Of C-List Celebrities Behind This Rotting Deer Carcass Suggests That They’ve Eaten There

Heartwarming: Wayne Brady Has Agreed To Play A Televised Game Of ‘Hoedown’ With Any Ghosts Whose Unfinished Business Is Doing That

Awesome! BetterHelp And Cameo Are Joining Forces So Customers Can Receive Therapy From Former Recurring Cast Members Of ‘The Office’

A Broken System: This Exhausted Doctor At An Underfunded Hospital Has Had To Shrink Down To The Size Of A White Blood Cell 15 Times Today

Looking On The Bright Side: The Long Hair This Man Just Found In His Burrito Might’ve Come From A Pretty Lady

Changing With The Times: Mattel Just Announced That If You Send Them Any Of The Body Positive Barbies They’ve Made In The Last Decade, They’ll Fix It For You For Free

Take That: Scientists Have Discovered A Way To Spank A Cancer Cell

‘Where Did We Go Wrong?’: Dave & Buster’s Is Complaining That Their Customers Are Mostly Slobs And Losers When It’s Intended To Be A Place For Suave Guys Like James Bond

The Most Human AI Yet: Apple Just Announced That Siri Will Now Spend Three Hours Paralyzed With Fear About Sounding Stupid Before Responding To Any Request

Heartbreaking: This Dad On Career Day Is Telling His Son’s Class That He’s Ash From Pokémon’s Lawyer To Cover Up The Fact That He’s Nothing But Ash’s Live-In Housekeeper

Bringing The Brick-And-Mortar Experience Online: Target.com Just Added A ‘Shoplift’ Button

Life Off The Grid: 4 Things I Learned After Deleting iBeer From My Phone

Securing His Legacy: Joe Biden Is Spending His Last Month And A Half In The White House Attempting To Become The First President To Push A Cup Off A Table With His Mind

Show Of Power: Claire’s Just Launched A Laser-Equipped Satellite Capable Of Instantaneously Piercing Any Ear On Earth

Times Are Tough For Everyone: This 45-Year-Old CEO Can Only Afford A 44-Year-Old Blood Boy

4 Times Yoda Escaped From Maximum Security Speech Therapy

End Of The Woke Era? Harvard Just Quietly Reissued Its Honorary Degrees To Pepé Le Pew

Entering His A-List Socialite Era: Joe Biden Just Renamed Hunter ‘Parfait’

Forever Alive In Our Hearts: Bryan Johnson Just Walked Into The Sea After Announcing He Only Ever Wanted To Live Long Enough To See The Live-Action ‘Lilo And Stitch’

An Incredible Honor: Gettysburg Battlefield Has Just Been Officially Named A UNESCO World ‘W.T.F?? Moment’ Site

Just Leave It, Dude: There’s A Janitor In The Middle Of The Woods Mopping Up Moose Barf

Cool! KitchenAid Just Introduced A Smart Rolling Pin That Automatically Chases Your Deadbeat Husband Around Town

Whoa: This Pigeon That Gets To Have Its Nest Inside The Big Bright ‘O’ In This Liquor Store Sign Must Be The Pigeon Version Of A Billionaire

Highlighting The Risks: The Surgeon General Is Adding A Graphic Photo Of A Guy Who Got His Penis Caught In A Zipper To The Front Of Every Pair Of Pants

Beautiful: The World’s Religious Leaders Have Reached An Agreement To Swap Hats For A While

One Step Closer To Sainthood: The Catholic Church Just Reclassified The Time Lenny Kravitz’s Penis Popped Out Of His Pants As A Miracle

Animal Welfare Win! Chicken Of The Sea Just Announced That Every Sardine They Kill Will Have Its Brain Placed In A Cryogenic Freezer To Be Revived When The Technology Becomes Available

Another Tacky Renovation: Trump Just Added A Solid Gold Sybian To The White House Goon Cave

A Disaster In The Making: This Renaissance Fair’s Nobility-To-Peasant Ratio Is Completely Unsustainable

A Selection of Clickhole Shareables:

A Selection of ‘The Nordly’ Articles:

(NOTE: All of my headlines and articles can be found here. Below are some of my favorites. Many of the references are Minnesota-specific so if you don’t get one, rest assured that it is funny.)

Elusive Zebra Mussel Taunts DNR in Series of Coded Letters

New Pedal Pub Tour Goes From Uptown Minneapolis Directly to Rochester Rehab Center

Hormel Introduces New Ethically Produced SPAM Made Solely Of Pigs That Deserved It

Department of Supernatural Resources Finds Invasive Three-Headed Hellcarp In Lake Hiawatha

Farmer Discovers Sequel To Kensington Runestone About Goofy Time Three Vikings Had To Raise A Baby

Duluth Man Has All His Most Creative Panic Attacks While High

Oak Tree With Two Red X’s Spray-painted On It Must’ve Done Something Really Fucked Up

Head-On Collision Between Two Food Trucks Results in Two Deaths, Exciting New Flavor Combination

A Disgrace To His Legacy: The Prince Estate Is Selling Orange T-Shirts That Say “Sex Just Isn’t My Thing”

That’s Nice Of Them: The Duluth Lift Bridge Just Went Up For A Boat That Wasn’t Even That Big

In Too Deep: In A Moment Of Panic, This Fifth Grade Teacher Desperate to Seem Cool Blurted Out ‘Ben Franklin Invented Fortnite’ And Is NOT Backing Down

Webcomics

I’ve also written and illustrated hundreds of webcomics over the years that can be found on my Instagram page here. An 20 page zine called “Timelines: An Infinity Air Inflight Magazine” I wrote and published in 2025 can be read here.